Childhood and identity.

Participants were asked to describe their childhood experiences, which included the geographical and demographic details of where they grew up, their family history and kinship network, and school and peer experiences. The results for the childhood portion of the life course fall into two main themes: identity discovery and identity expression and reception.

Identity discovery.

Childhood proved to be a time of self-discovery and identity formation. Participants’ experiences, rearing and parental influences, conversations and interactions with peers and family all served as factors in participants’ identity discoveries. The narratives that participants are told growing up surrounding their racial and ethnic ancestry can lead to an understanding of identity that may not hold true in adulthood, and may take years to unlearn and rediscover:

Well, from early childhood we’re told in Puerto Rico that we’re a mix of African, of European and of Taino, so it’s an understanding across the board. Even though there are white Puerto Ricans, so it’s a problematic narrative. There are white Puerto Ricans, there are Black Puerto Ricans, and there are Puerto Ricans who look mainly Indigenous, but there’s always been the narrative that we’re all mixed. That’s not necessarily true. For me it’s always been that way, but only in recent years was when I started learning about how there’s differences in our identities. There’s differences in our heritage, even though we’re from the same island. (MIH 15, 30+, South)

The information that is given to children by their parents and family about who they are and the position they hold in the surrounding world has lasting impressions and influence on their identity–especially for individuals of mixed-race backgrounds. A factor that most often presented as an influence during childhood identity development and parental influence was participants’ physical features, especially “light skin” or white presenting. Participants discussed differences in siblings’ physical features, or children’s physical features from their parents and family.

Yeah. I’ve talked with them about this, too. They always say that they identify as Mexican, Mexican and white, and that’s usually what they tell people, too. Then it’s interesting because me and one of my sisters are very light skinned. Then I have one brother and one sister who are very dark skinned. When you put us together, a lotta people actually say, ‘I didn’t know that was your full brother. I didn’t know that was your real brother.’ I was like, ‘No, we’re [laughter] really brother and sister’. (MIH 20, 25–29, Midwest)

These differences in physical features amplify perceived differences from surrounding family’s identity, culture, and belonging. Perceptions from others regarding participant identity are not limited to strangers on the street, or non-family members. In fact, an amplification of belonging and identity exists within kinship networks for multiracial youth as they navigate their identity and the identities of their surrounding families.

I identify as a Mexican American because my dad has—he’s half White and my mom is fully Mexican. I’ve always been more around my Mexican family, but obviously there’s still that White identity, a portion of me that I feel like I don’t really connect with. It makes me feel different with my Mexican family because it’s like they look at me different. Like, "Oh wait, you’re not fully Mexican though or as traditional," or stuff like that. (MIH 12, 25–29, Pacific)

Different racial and ethnic backgrounds pose unique challenges for multiracial youth beyond kinship relations and acceptance. As children age, they begin to rely more and more on the relationships and complexities of their social lives, especially amongst peers. Where participants grew up, who they were exposed to and had opportunity to learn from and connect to during their formative years plays largely in identity formation and community attachment.

In <City>, my family’s a lower middle class, and we’ve always been since I was born. In <City> we’re always around other kids that were in the same class majority, and the population is just mostly African American…I went to a school that was very diverse in every single race. It was definitely a changeup because even though I could still relate to the Black community because I’m Black, I didn’t have many multiracial friends to relate to or understand. When I came here, I did have a lot more people I can relate to that have different backgrounds, but also can understand being more than one race in <City>. (MIH 11, 18–24, Pacific)

Exposure to certain communities during childhood can lead to misunderstanding of identity like the ways in which family narratives can lead to unclear or incomplete identity formation. The demographic makeup of the community mixed race children are mired in is another prominent avenue identity exploration and formation occurs. Stumbling upon their identity through misunderstanding based on the surrounding demographic, was a theme for some participants who grew up in diverse areas and were exposed to varying identities–a recipe for identity discovery, experimentation, and provoking communication with family.

Yeah, well, discovering my whole racial identity has been a really long process. I grew up in <State>, I was born and raised there, and most people in <State> are mixed race, and you can’t tell really someone’s ethnic or racial background just based on how they look, ‘cause everyone’s mixed, but because I grew up in <State>, I thought I was Hawaiian, and I didn’t realize—well first of all, I learned in third grade that I was white, even though my mom is white, I did not know that I was also white until I got teased on the playground, and then I talked to my mom. They used a kind of derogatory term for white people, that is common in <State>, and I didn’t really know what that meant, but I asked my mom about it, and she was like, “Yeah girl, you’re half white,” and I was like, “What? That’s so crazy,”. (MIH 06, 18–24, Midwest)

Participants reflected on understanding their identities as a trial-and-error string of events–testing out identities to see how they fit not only their own understanding of who they are and who they come from, but also their family’s own identity and understanding of race and ethnicity. This trial-and-error type of discovery and identification is further influenced by familial correction and amending.

[A]s I’ve been—growing up in high school and college, I’ve embraced biracial as a term, and I think I did that to—for myself to not just be—not to think of myself as half of two different cultures, but to be a whole person that is made up of different cultures, so I went with biracial, but I think in the last year or two, I’ve been moving away from biracial and toward mixed race, because I’m pushing back against this notion—again, in a different way about—that I am half of something and half of another thing, because I feel pretty mixed, so, I use mixed race now. (MIH 06, 18–24, Midwest)

Communication, whether with family or community members, such as schoolteachers or peers, is a pathway for identity early on, where physical differences within and outside of families–often an integral facet of childhood understanding, and the narrative children exist within and view the world through–can be further explored and understood.

Yeah, I mean, I think it was pretty early on. I can very easily remember talking about it in the first grade, so as early as that, but likely earlier. I mean, my mom looks very different from how my sister and I look, so I think that pretty early on, it was evident to us, but it was a huge part of our lives. (MIH 07, 25–29, Northeast)

Throughout these examples of childhood self-discovery and identification is the concept and event of communicating: communicating with family, friends, institutions, and community members. Communication, especially early on, proved to be an essential factor in understanding identity–both self and familial–for participants. The language that is used strategically—but often coincidentally–proves to be elemental in identity formation, understanding, and expression. The influence language has within family structures, as seen with this participant, goes to show just how nuanced identity can be.

My sister is complicated. I think I identify more closely with the Latino heritage than my sister, who identifies more closely with the Irish heritageI don’t know, sometimes my sister—she identifies as Latino to a point, I guess, just to a lesser extent that sometimes I’m worried that I’m faking it, or that my connection to the culture is entirely made up by me and it doesn’t actually exist. (MIH 05, 25–29 Northeast)

Identity expression & reception.

Participants’ identity actualization started with childhood experiences and interactions. With a newfound or discovered identity, participants began expressing these identities in spaces and at times, reacting to and restructuring their identities based on the reception their expression received and the perceptions from those around them. Participants discussed how their phenotype and the way their identity is expressed often changes how they are received, and that this treatment is sometimes different from treatment their families receive.

I think it totally influences it. I have red hair. You don’t usually get people with red hair who are mixed race…Obviously, I benefit from a lot of privilege like that. Sometimes if my father asks me to come in a store with him, because if he goes alone the people are going to mistreat him. If I’m there, they treat us both better. I think it’s given me a lot of social opportunities, just because of colorism. Obviously in Latin America, that’s not really a Latin American race, and we always forget at the afro Latinos and whatever, colorism is a huge thing. (MIH 04, 18–24, Northeast)

Participants also discussed how regardless of how they choose to identify, how others treat them also impacts their identity and their feelings of belonging.

I identify as a Mexican American because my dad has—he’s half White and my mom is fully Mexican. I’ve always been more around my Mexican family, but obviously there’s still that White identity, a portion of me that I feel like I don’t really connect with. It makes me feel different with my Mexican family because it’s like they look at me different. Like, "Oh wait, you’re not fully Mexican though or as traditional," or stuff like that. (MIH 12, 25–29, Midwest)

Other individuals expressed a unique experience–that it was not that they came to a multiracial identity later, but instead that they and their family always knew and embraced being multiracial.

I would say I always knew that my mom and dad were different. I always knew that he’s Mexican, she’s Irish now Scottish. That was always just two parts of my identity. I thought it was interesting because I had the best of both worlds. I got to have Southern cooking from my mom’s side, and then I got to have really great Mexican food from my dad’s side. It’d just be the best of both worlds mixing together. There was never a point where I was just like—I knew that I was multiracial. I knew that I wasn’t 100 percent either, I would say. I knew that pretty early. I was like, "I know that I’m not 100 percent my dad. I’m know I’m not 100 percent my mom. I’m a mix of both (MIH 20, 25–29, Midwest)

Changing geography.

Participants shared the influence of changes in their environment on their identity formation, specifically with changing geography as a catalyst for shifts in their self-perception and treatment of identity. As they moved from their childhood communities to college, the demographics of their environment oftentimes shifted drastically. As a result, participants discussed how their salient identities shifted along with their physical migration.

One participant, living in the Midwest shared:

Then I moved to <City>, Iowa, which is a red, racist state. They’re stuck 50 years in the past, and being Black became again my salient identity because I wore it. It’s what people see me as. Being Black and being female. As I was working through my trauma and racial identity and stuff, I came into my trans identity. (MIH 01, 25–29, Midwest)

The same participant shared how their multiracial identity shifts along with the demographic makeup on their environment–that in settings where there were few people of color, they were seen as Black and identified as Black. When they were in spaces or environments with more people of color and felt able to have a more nuanced identity, they identified as multiracial. The concept of the one-drop rule was also discussed by this participant. Any indication or perception by others of being non-white, they shared, signaled an “other” or “non-white” designation:

I went from experiencing seven percent of Black people to less than one percent of Black people, and so that was shocking. The smaller it got, the more Black I got [laughter]. You have any kind of melanin, you’re Black, or you’re not White. In Iowa, I identified as Black in all spaces, and then I would say in college and being in <Region> for my adult life, I identified more as biracial. (MIH 01, 25–29, Midwest)

The intersection of the racial/ethnic makeup of an environment with how an individual appears or is perceived, makes for different experiences for different individuals. The participant above identified as Black because they were perceived as Black in a place with very few people of color. For the respondent below, who was often perceived as White, the homogenous environment they found themselves in led them to identify as White rather than multiracial.

Because I’ve always been surrounded by White or White-passing individuals, it was no stretch for me to identify as White, even though ethnically and culturally, I wasn’t White when I first moved here. I’m more so White, now. I married a guy from small-town America, and that always makes for a fun conversation. (MIH 08, Northeast)

Community discovery.

Most of the study participants had a common experience of using college and graduate school as spaces to gather and develop a vocabulary for identification.

After I went to university, I finally got the vocabulary to talk about these things and learn more about the impact of colonialism in Latin America, I have a more in-depth understanding of these broader issues. I think I’ve always identified as not white. That hasn’t changed, but the nuances within that have changed as I’ve gotten older, particularly, within the past 10 years. (MIH 03, 25–29, Southeast)

Participants also discussed that it was during this period of emerging adulthood that they began to think more critically about identity, race, and began to make meaning of experiences they had already had.

When I was younger, I wasn’t talking about race. I didn’t feel like I was looked at differently because of my race just because I was still around like a majority of African Americans. Within the past three years, I’ve gone through an identity crisis, and especially with Black Live Matter, I’ve educated myself. When I was younger, I didn’t really know what to identify as. People would force me to put me into one or the other when I can really just identify as both. Being in <City> it’s totally different. (MIH 11, 18–24, Pacific)

Another participant shared:

As I got older, and especially as I started thinking more critically about race and other constructs of identification in college, I really started realizing I was treated differently at times, or people expected me to be extremely smart because I was Asian. Even though to me that model minority myth is mostly associated with East Asian people, I think that it was mainly because there were so few Asians in general in town, but that sort of got attached to me as well. (MIH 07, 25–29, Northeast)

Participants also brought up how the racial make-up of their school or community influences how they identify and sometimes, how that identity shifts over time. Participants shared the impact of the racial and socioeconomic demographics of their educational settings on their self-identification. They also shared how this change over time influenced their identification:

My college was a private, religious university, and it was 96 percent White, so identifying as White there was just a result of fitting in. In college, I majored in Sociology, then I got my Masters, and I’m getting my PhD in Sociology. It’s been a coming to terms with multiracial identity; kind of accepting that minority identity and balancing the two, because I still identify as White, racially. (MIH 07, 25–29, Northeast)

They also discussed how when in homogenous environments it is often difficult to feel like they have a community or fit in. One participant described the barriers to forging close friendships with peers. She expressed feelings of uneasiness when invited to socialize with a monoracial group of classmates:

It been hard to build close relationships with the people in school. Sometimes they’ll ask me to hang out, but it’s kind of hard for me to want to. I hate the idea of being out with a group of 12 white women and I’m the only Black person there. That’s very uncomforting to me. (MIH 21, 18–24, Southeast)

Strategic disclosure.

Many participants discussed the idea that in their past they identified as White (and not as multiracial or other identities) to feel as though they fit into their community of predominantly white peers. Experiences of racial isolation and not having peers or a community compounded these experiences. One participant who perceived this form of privilege shared her experience:

In high school, I lived in a predominately White area, pretty socio-economically advantaged, and so for me to make the most of my experience socially and educationally, identifying as White was really the most beneficial. It provided the most advantageous social circles as well. That was a time when I felt White. So, it’s not that I only identified as White, I also felt White as well. (MIH 08, Northeast)

Another participant explained that they used to really protect their Mexican identity and not share it widely, but that they came to realize how important that Mexican identity was to them and that even though phenotypically they were often perceived as White, being Mexican was a large part of their identity and they wanted to share that with others. Participants shared the protective and sometimes violent implications of not sharing their non-white identity with others. When first interacting with others in majority-white settings, one participant shared, volunteering information about her Mexican heritage was not comfortable.

I used to try to avoid telling people that I was Mexican at first because a lot of people assumed that I was white. It was something that would really try to be protective in predominantly white spaces. Later, I would feel more comfortable sharing my full ethnicity and full identity and telling people that, yeah, I am Mexican, and my father is from Mexico. Even though I am white-passing or am much lighter-skinned, that is still a salient part of my identity. (MIH 20, 25–29, Midwest)

This same participant mentioned that because she was “white-passing” sometimes people would say upsetting things around her not knowing her Mexican identity, which also influenced her to disclose her full identity to them. She went on to share an experience of being subject to racist comments by a group of people who believed they were in an all-white space.

I know that people only feel comfortable saying those things because they assume that I’m white. It’s protective sometimes to not always proclaim your identity. Sometimes it gives me privileges, but then I might find myself in a situation where I’m around people who are saying things that are really upsetting to me. Then, I have to come out and disclose and say, "This is who I am. I find this really problematic." People feel comfortable saying those things because they assume that I’m white at first. They would have never said that if they knew I was Mexican. (MIH 20, 25–29, Midwest)

Some participants expressed feelings of guilt or betrayal toward one side of their identity that they may not have always been identifying with. Participants expressed a process of self-education about racial identity in their formative years. Equipped with this knowledge, they would express a desire to claim parts of their racial identity other than whiteness. The concept of whiteness as default or neutral identity results in feelings of betrayal of their non-white identity. One participant expressed:

Being surrounded by White people at every point in my life, even in different countries, made it easier for me to identify as White. As I got older and learned more about racial identity and the oppression that comes with it, it—having been surrounded by so many White people also made me want to identify as Hispanic. I felt like, in a way, I was betraying that little side of me. (MIH 08, Northeast)

Some participants also brought up being hesitant to identify a certain way around certain groups, for example as a light skinned person being uncomfortable identifying as multiracial or Black around Black people for fear that others would not accept that or be upset by it. Participants expressed feelings of hesitancy in their youth in sharing their self-identification, particularly when their skin tone afforded them proximity to whiteness. The roots of this hesitancy they shared were often concerns about how monoracial people in interpersonal settings might react to their self-identification.

When I was younger, I was more hesitant to refer to myself as Black around Black people because of my light skin privilege, and I didn’t want to step on any toes or feel like I was conflating my experience to their experience. I grew up White, in a predominately White area, so I didn’t "feel Black." In college and post-college, I was adamant about identifying as Black around White and Black people. There’s still some hesitancy there. Now I’m 27, so now I’m pretty firm in my identities so no matter the space I am in, I identify as Black. If there’s more to say, I’ll say a light-skinned Black or biracial Black person. (MIH 01, 25–29, Midwest)

Identity formation continuity.

One of the key concepts that came up throughout the interviews was that identity formation is not a process that happens linearly or happens at one time and is then complete and static. Instead, different participants shift their understanding of their identity over time, shift the terms they use over time, and for many this process is still evolving. One participant mentioned that they have come to understand what biracial means over time–not that they are halves but that they are made up of multiple cultures. A key finding shared by multiple participants is the concept of identity formation as an evolving, non-linear process. One participant shared that they have redefined what the term “biracial” means to them as they have developed over time. Their new self-definition states that rather than being halves, they are one, fully-formed person with a rich and multifaceted set of cultures:

It took me a while to get those facts about myself. Growing up in high school and college. In the last year or two, I’ve embraced biracial as a term, and I did that to not to think of myself as half of two different cultures, but to be a whole person that is made up of different cultures. (MIH 06, 18–24, Midwest)

Other participants discussed how because they appear White to others and can pass as white, they feel they cannot identify as a person of color or join those communities because of the privilege they have through their whiteness. Other participants shared how their phenotypical presentation as white-passing influences the social groups in which they choose to engage. This decision is in part influenced by an acknowledgment of the societal privileges that being read as white passing provides. One participant shared:

When there’s groups for people of color, I tend to not opt into those groups, because I benefit from white privilege, and my dad is white, so that makes me white. Even though I don’t feel like I fully fit into whiteness, how do I use the labels that we have with our language and with our country here? (MIH 18, 25–29, Southeast)

The process of identity formation is often uncomfortable and often does not feel “complete” but as something that individuals are navigating throughout their life. The importance of acknowledging privilege was discussed by most participants (N = 16). Self-identification as a non-linear process was described by one participant:

Saying that I’m a white Latina doesn’t feel accurate, but then not acknowledging my whiteness, when it’s such a privilege, especially within a Latinx community also doesn’t feel accurate. My identity hasn’t been solidified. It’s still something that I’m trying to figure out what feels most authentic to me, but also what feels an accurate acknowledgment. (MIH 10, 25–29, Southeast)